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Nearly done!

Most of my stuff is out.  And while it kills me to not live with maddy, i dont know what the alternative is.  She decided that living 30 miles away and giving me 6 weeks notice pretty much made any option or comprimise impossible.  I can always fight her in court and force her to pay for daycare and i have custody of her... but that seems kinda silly.

I have been really trying to do what i can to make this move easier on Tracy and i suspect i'm only pissing her off or at the minimum irritating her.  Why?  I dont know but anything that causes her to think of me is going to piss her off.  I decided to work through the night on thursday packing and sorting because it was somehow MY fault she was too freaked out to stay in the house and pack or that she ran out of money and couldnt drive to kent.  I didnt have to do it and i probably shouldnt have.  She think i'm a pschotic abusive asshole... why dissapoint her?  I know she NEEDS to hate me in order to distance herself from me.

The irony is she doesnt have to.  I have zero interest in her sexually until she is capable of seeing me differently.  I am not the person she thinks i am and if she is basing her decision to have sex with me based on those misconceptions, then that isnt fair to either of us.  If she just wants to fuck because i'm a good lay, i can respect that.  However, if she honestly believes all of the stuff she wrote in that email and those are the reasons she doesnt want to have sex with me, then she needs to show me that is no longer how she feels.

I suspect she still isnt having sex with Jenni and Carlos and doubt that it will happen or very infrequently.  Jenni seems like the person who doesnt shit where she eats and for the mostpart neither does tracy (unless its convenient to do otherwise).  The difference is that Jenni sees having sex with tracy as having sex with a roommate, which usually ends in disaster.  However, tracy sees it as moving in with a potential lover.  She had every reason to anticipate they would be lovers, but she felt like there was a bait and switch happening.  Dont know whats happening and dont care... not much at least.

Oh, my example... so i work all though the night.  I get off of work thursday work at the house packing etc until 5:45am and then scurry back to my apt and get ready for work with no sleep.  Yes, thats right.... i get NO sleep for my favorite unappreciate crazy soon-already-be ex-girlfriend.  No i dont expect a "wow, thanks, you really made my impossible move tomorrow a possibility".  While she did acknowledge that it looked like a lot of progress had been made, she did get pissy that i took apart 2 of the crappy desks.  Why?  because she told me she wasnt going to store them so i needed to figure out how to get rid of them.  I'm sure when i get rid of the motorcycle she is going to not be happy about how i decided to do taht one as well.

Because i dont have a truck, but i do have a convertable, i can take the particle board desks apart on load the wood into the back seat with the top down and take them someplace.  Why was this bad?  Apparently in her mind she was going to donate them if i wasnt able to get rid of them.  And HOW was i supposed to know this?

Its funny, the crazier she thinks i am the easier it is for her to walk away and not feel bad about it.  Ironically, the more balanced i get, the  easier it is to see how crazy she is or maybe she's just more crazy because of the stress.  And the more off-balance and volitile she is, the easier it is to be okay with her walking out of my life.  I'm not saying i havent been an ass, but its becoming clearer that the problem did not land squarely on my shoulders.

I'd love to hear how she is going to complain because i have been giving her more than i can afford to give her from my paychecks, i kept maddy longer than i agreed to because she needed rest and how all of the extra work i did packing and sorting the office area is me being an asshole.

The good news?  Its going to be over soon!
The better news?  I dont have to listen to her bitch about anohter valenties day :)
The best news? I dont have to listen to her bitch about how i've ruined another birthday season.

To her credit at 8pm on February 2nd she sent me a text saying "Sometimes i remember you and i smile. Tonight is one of those nights"  Not sure what i am supposed to do with that information because most of the time she just looks at me with the eyes of contempt or indifference.

Things are going well with Laura
Things are good with my sister
My personal trainer is cute and I'm losing weight :)


venus moon

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